Step Wars:
Overcoming the Perils and Making Peace in Adult Stepfamilies
by Grace Gabe and Jean Lipman-Blumen
ISBN: 0312290993 Published by St. Martin's Press, April 1, 2004
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When a divorced or widowed parent remarries, no one is really prepared for what lies ahead--not the parent, not the spouse, not the adult children. The first shock is usually the stark contrast between the joy of the older bride and groom and the response of virtually everyone else in both their families. There's a big difference between them. The parents choose to be married. They are volunteers. The adult children are being drafted; they didn't choose this new arrangement. It is being imposed upon them.

The couple usually see their marriage as a great unexpected gift and a last chance to savor love. The adult children rarely share their parent's unalloyed pleasure. They often resist the change they know the marriage will bring. And they may intensely resent being expected to act enthusiastic about it.

In virtually every adult stepfamily we studied, problems develop when these changes occur. No one is prepared for it. There are no guidelines. Each family struggles on its own. There can be a long struggle culminating in a Step War unless all the parties have the requisite tools to work out the issues that inevitably arise.

Whether you have been in an adult stepfamily for some time or are about to become part of one, we have written a book to show you ways to navigate this difficult terrain: "Step Wars: Overcoming the Perils and making Peace in Adult Stepfamilies" by Grace Gabe, M.D. and Jean Lipman-Blumen, PhD. (St. Martins Press 2004)
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